Ladies, if you have to say “no” more than once, you are in a very dangerous situation. If you have to push someone’s hand away four times, you’re in trouble. If you say, “I don’t want to do that” and that person immediately tries again, that person is violating you and you need to leave. Don’t be fooled. This man does not have integrity. A lack of integrity is signified by someone who says one thing and does another, which can be confusing, but do not be confused.
For example, If you were dating a guy and he asked you to stop doing something he didn’t like, let’s say, to stop calling his desk phone at work……would you continue to call his desk phone? Would you call and when he complained again, would you say you didn’t understand why it was such a big deal or say you kept doing it because you didn’t agree?
Or would you respect his wishes because it was important to him, no matter what the reason?
Then WHY, dear children, do you allow someone in your life that doesn’t respect you, your decisions, and your physical boundaries??
You need to trust that gut feeling and make a decision.
It is OK for someone to not know your boundaries up front, but you should never ever ever have to repeat yourself and continue to. This is a sign of a person who doesn’t care for you at all. He or she literally only cares about him/herself. This is a is a dark, confusing, and unpleasant road.
Especially if he says he understands but then acts like he or she doesn’t. Especially if he is a good apologizer and yet does not change his or her behavior.
Someone who doesn’t respect your boundaries is not someone you want to be with or even around. I have learned you must love yourself and trust yourself enough to walk away and understand a person who doesn’t care or respect your boundaries, whatever they are, would be a miserable person to have in my life.
We must rise up! This is not normal! It’s not OK! You can’t change other people, but you can develop the muscle of integrity in yourself. “Integrity?” you say? yes. Let me explain.
A father would tell his teenage daughter that she has to have her own standards no matter what a boy says to her or what the situation is. Not much has changed!
Again, you can’t change another person. So if someone violates your verbal requests, you MUST have the integrity to remove yourself, no matter how awkward that is. And don’t let them make you feel awkward or weird about it. Because they are the weird one. It’s weird to not respect anyone and everyone’s boundaries, but yet, society is telling us this is normal behavior.
What happens when you don’t have integrity? We’ve all been there. We feel guilty, confused, and anxious. You’re anxious and can’t be yourself because you don’t feel safe—you never know when that person will or will not be respecting what you say. You become a person who is frail. And this is part I’m afraid is on you; you are the only one who decides to stay.
If you meet someone and you find them ignoring your verbal requests, walk away. If you’ve been around someone for a long time and you notice they do this, walk away. If you stay, there is nothing but low self-worth ahead of you and subsequent detrimental decisions. If the person is a true narcissist or maybe just selfish, they will not understand why you are leaving, but then again, if they did, they wouldn’t have acted like that in the first place.
If you go, there is freedom! Everyone deserves to be free. You do have a choice and you do have the strength, but you must choose it. Choose it! I know the strength is within you! It may take strength at first, but once you get out and the vail is lifted, you will wonder what on earth you were thinking before.