When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways.
Happy music is a recharge for the soul.
A while ago, I took a class sort of thing with Stephanie St. Claire. One of the things she talks about is drama, and how, for whatever reason, whenever you start to make REAL changes, and start allowing yourself to believe that good things are going to happen, some really terrible things will happen all at once. It’s almost comical.
Stephanie says that’s the old drama trying to hold you back in your old ways. It’s funny—where is that come from? It seem to happen to everyone who tries to make these changes.
Well, I learned about this months ago, and then I was faced with a challenge.
It was the day before my Physician Assistant interview at UTHSCSA, which is a top 20 school in the entire nation. That day, I found out that another school had a technological error in which a “Congratulations! You’ve been accepted!” email was sent to my email box. I learned that day that not only was I not accepted to this back up school, but I wasn’t even eligible, because of my C in organic. Even though I had a 3.9 science GPA before this C, and I got the C because I was working 50-70 hours a week in the ER to pay my basic bills. Even though I had 3k patient care hours and 5k volunteer hours. Didn’t matter—not even eligible.
Also on that day, I was rehearsing for my interview, and I realized that one of the people who I had proof read my CASPA narrative (you have one essay, for this universal application that gets sent out to every school) has changed the word PA to “Physician’s Assistant”. It’s actually “Physician Assistant” and I was in a rush and didn’t even catch it.
I literally had submitted my application with a misspelling in my first sentence. And not just any misspelling, but I misspelling the name of the entire profession. I was sure that someone out there was reading my application and throwing it in the trash because I outed myself as an idiot.
Yes, it is moronic that i let that happen. But give me some grace here; I’m not perfect.
So I was faced with a choice. I was embarrassed because I had told all my friends and family that I had at least been accepted to a back up school, and now that safety net I felt was broken. And I had looked like an idiot to all my other potential schools.
A few months ago I would have wallowed in self pity and imaged my future as a failure, but instead, I thought about two things: 1. My backup school not accepting me affects my admission to UTHSCSA in no way shape or form and 2. UTHSCA decided to interview me, and just 150 other people, out of the 1400 that applied, in SPITE of my typo. So they must not dismissed me for my typo already.
So my choice was to focus on that: they were interested in me. I started picture myself and meditating on how well the interview would go. I went for a four mile run to physically decrease my anxiety.
I went to the interview, and I had a great time. I felt like I was the only one who wasn’t nervous. My future was in the Lord’s hands. I nailed the interview.
One of the 7 minute interviews was “read this article and tell us what’s wrong with it” and when I read the article, they used “Physician’s Assistant”. I went in the room and told the PA interviewing me this story, and we both had a good laugh about it. I told him I thought it was so ironic that I was able to address this exact issue. He made a note that I was not an idiot, and that that term appeared in my essay because I failed to see my friend’s revision, and not because I was ignorant of the terminology of our entire profession.
What grace! What victory! I used to beat myself up so much. I used to think about all the bad things that would happen, that were going to happen! And regardless if I get into PA school or not, I am happy, SO happy, and anxiety free, and THAT is what makes life GOOD. Mistake proof? Perfect? No. But I am a child of the King, and God is on my side. I’m always going to be making improvements, but that’s all I can do. I’ve worked my ass off for the past three years to get into PA school, I applied, and my future is in the Lord’s hands. And I know that He is good, gives good gifts to His children, and I choose to believe in THAT. “The earth is the Lord’s and everything in it.” Good things will come my way, because…
10“For every beast of the forest is Mine,
The cattle on a thousand hills.
11“I know every bird of the mountains,
And everything that moves in the field is Mine.
Stephanie taught me that everything in the universe is already mine. I don’t know exactly how to explain it, but I have to believe that God is not withholding. And everything is changing now that I’ve started to do that.
Is it my fault, is it my fault?
We’ve been missing each other
We’ve been missing each other
My fault, is it my fault?
We’ve been missing each other.
We have been missing each other.